Well on top of the whole “I’m homeless” insanity, I was taken to the ER against my will. Not only was the guy who examined me a big dumb asshole but he also didn’t understand the word “no”. Let’s take him back to 1st grade, shall we? Also I have made a fool of myself at the Beaman, for all you non-Belmont people, the Beaman is a Greek Jungle. It is where my fellow sisters and other greeks hide out from the real world and I, of course, fainted in the middle of it, was taken out on a stretcher looking like a hot mess. Story of my life.
At the ER, an array of things happened, I was examined by several people, watch a show about Amish people and then got ultrasounds by a very attractive doctor. I wouldn’t be complaining except for the fact that it was very cold and very uncomfortable. I tried to make jokes but they all just came out inappropriate…I mean what other jokes are there when a guy is rubbing gel on your stomach with a weird scanner thing? Also he and the other medical students complimented me on my uterus…Not the greatest pick up line, I’ve ever heard but it’ll take it.
“You have the perfect uterus.”
“Better to keep your babies in.”
Was that inappropriate? Probs. Oh well. Moving on.
The day ended with me cuddling with a bunch of gatorade and crackers and then slowly advancing to the couch to watch my new obession, Big Brother.
I’ll end this with two sets of quotes my dad said.
The night before I was in the ER – “Life’s a marathon, don’t get worn out at the start.”
After I was in the ER – “Life’s a marathon and clearly you are not a runner.”