New York Living: Day 2 – Cigarettes and Sewage

Another day in New York.

How grand.

Went to get rush tickets for Once, a beautiful musical featuring the amazing Arthur Darvill who played Rory in Doctor Who. It was absolutely phenomenal. Everyone in it was so talented, it took my breath away like I seriously forgot to breathe because of how amazing it was. It’s dangerous, y’all. We also got the cast to sign our playbill and also I got a picture with Arthur because we’re pals like that. Basically best friends. Soon to be lovers. No big deal. It was a very wonderful moment, it all just happened at ONCE. Yup, I did it. I incorporated the musical’s name in a sentence being all clever and disgusting. You’re welcome.

Then we ventured to the biggest Toys R Us I have ever seen. It had a ferris wheel in it…a goddamn ferris wheel. Of course we rode it. It was in a building…a real legit ferris wheel. Excuse me but why and how and what? Anywho, we then went to a place called S’mac…a macaroni and cheese restaurant. I was like “Hot damn, it was mac and cheese restaurant.” Blew me right away, like a plastic bag drifting through the wind, wanting to start again. I’m sorry. I don’t know where this is coming from.

We also ventured to where the apartment in Friends was based on. It was quite anti-climatic but it was still pretty rad. I was like “wow, friends.” No clever reference there, just me being boring. Then we stopped at a wonderful ice cream place called the Big Gay Ice Cream. I enjoyed it. It was delish.

There are a few things I noticed about New York. People hate to move out of the way. They will not swerve or stop, they will plow right through you if they have to. Like seriously. Am I invisible or something? Did I develop superpowers that only work on New Yorkers? Like get out of my damn way. Also in Time Square, there are a lot of people in costumes. Like so many. I do not know why. I do not know if they make any money out of that. I did find out that after “work”, they all gather in the McDonalds by the tkts stairs. One of them scared the shit out of me. Like really, don’t jump out at me in the middle of a McDonalds in New York. I will punch you or run away furiously. Either or, don’t do it. Also walking the streets of New York made me realize that this place smells like cigarettes and sewage…a great combination. It’s a very strong and dizzying scent. It also makes me glad I quit smoking. I don’t think I want to smell like New York. Love this place and all but the smell is a different story.

The people aren’t as rude as I thought they’d be. The drivers however are the embodiment of the devil himself. Like learn some manner, jackass. Also stop honking all the damn time. I am very sensitive to loud noises and everyone and I mean EVERYONE should always accommodate to my needs. Don’t know why but I think everyone should because the world revolves around me, right? Sounds about right to me. No I’m kidding but seriously, stop being a jackass and stop driving like you’re in Grand Theft Auto. Patience is a virtue and blah blah blah.

Well, I am growing tired and my eyes refuse to stay open but I still have to get ready for bed and that’s a pain in the backside. Also my ovaries feel like they are trying to pry themselves out of my body and it’s really uncomfortable. I need them to stop. Well on that note, goodnight you people. Thanks for deciding that reading this was a good idea. It was kind of like thinking that trying frog legs is a good idea because it’s foreign and unique and exotic and when you try it, you realize you regret everything and you cannot trust your decisions anymore so you cry yourself to sleep at night just wondering why and it lingers in the back of mind and you are just so disappointed in yourself and you realize that the world is a callous and cold place and blah blah blah.



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