Late Night Rants #2: Textual Communication

This is a rant. You were warned.

I don’t understand when people tell me that they are bad at texting. What does that mean? Are you incapable of getting your cellular device and responding appropriately or even inappropriately to someone? Is that something that you have to train to be good at? Checking your phone? Is a skill that you have to develop? Is it a sport? Can I get points for texting people back? Do I get a medal or something?

Also why do some people find the need to not text back but post a status or a tweet via phone? WHAT? I see you. I see everything you do. It comes up on my phone, THE ONE I TEXTED YOU ON. I don’t become technologically impaired the moment I send a text to you. I CAN SEE THAT YOU POSTED SOMETHING. I KNOW YOU ARE IGNORING MY TEXT. I’m sorry that my friendship is an inconvenience to you. It literally takes like .5 seconds. It really isn’t that hard or am I just really good at it?

What I really don’t understand is when people don’t reply to something that needs to be replied to like a question or in the middle of a freaking conversation. I get it if you don’t reply to an ‘okay’ or ‘yeah sure’ or you get the point. Also why do people text back haha? JUST HAHA? What do I say to that? WHAT DO I SAY? SOMEONE TELL ME. Do I say haha back? Do we just keep saying haha to each other and end up in an unending loop of hahas? Also if I text you a paragraph and you reply with an okay or any one word, I am mentally killing you. The time it took me to read that okay/word, I have already killed you 10,000 times.

I’m not innocent of these action either. Sometimes I forget to text back or I just don’t feel like texting back to certain texts like one word texts. I get it, sometimes you forget, sometimes you mean to and it slips your mind. I get it. It’s just annoying IF IT HAPPENS CONSTANTLY. I’m sorry that I am apparently the only one on this planet that doesn’t mind texting. I like talking to my friends. I LIKE BEING IN CONTACT WITH MY FRIENDS WHICH IS WHAT MY PHONE WAS MADE FOR. Is it really that strange to want to have a conversation via text? HOW ELSE AM I GOING TO TALK TO YOU? Call you? Maybe I can’t call you? Maybe in a place where talking is not allowed, like a library or the room where everyone has to be silent. If I call you and be like “I just want to talk about life. I just want to know what you’re up to because we’re friends and that’s what friends do.” It comes off weird. Have you gotten those calls and you are just like “What is wrong with this person? Are they dying? Do I stay on the phone with them? Do I call the police? Wait do I HAVE to call them? Can I just text police or something?” Texting just makes it more convenient for me to talk to my friends with alarming them about my mental state. I also hate calling. It’s awkward. If I call you, it’s because I need something. I’m not going to call you to have a casual conversation. I don’t have the social ability to do such a thing. Don’t make me do it.

So there, here’s my confession. I LIKE TEXTING. SUE ME. Actually don’t, I don’t have the money for a trial. I’m just saying. Also if you do for some reason sue me, you probably will lose because that’s a weird thing to sue people for. I mean no judge is going to take your seriously. “I’m here to sue her because she said she LIKES texting. She LIKES it. WHAT? I’m suing her.” They would probably put you away somewhere because they will probably think you’re crazy and I’ll sit there texting people about how crazy you are.

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-Jonny

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