Greetings: The Philosophical View

I don’t think I ever greeted people in my blog posts so um,

Hey friends! Unless we aren’t friends, I mean I’m not trying to impose anything. We can totally be friends, I mean only if you want to, you know. I don’t want to put that kind of label on you. We don’t have to be friends, you know. That’s fine. I’m not trying to start anything. I just, I dunno. You know, I’d like to consider you as a friend if you don’t feel the same way, that’s completely fine. You do you and I’ll do me. Um…so yeah.

Okay that was awkward.

Let’s just go with Hey everybody. Except I’m like talking to one person at a time. I mean unless you are all in a room together reading this, which is cool. Like, I can’t expect for EVERYBODY to read this, you know. I also don’t want to imply that a lot of people read my blog. Not at all. That would be nice but you know I appreciate the few of you that do read my blog. I don’t want to group people together. That’s not fair on you guys. You guys are wonderful individuals that don’t need to be grouped with people. Be yourself. This is turning into a motivational speech. I have enough of those on here. So um…

How about “Hey you”? Does that sound too flirty? Like “Oh, hey you. I’ve got my eyes set on you and it’s go time.” As you can tell, I don’t know how to flirt. Or that might sound so authoritative. Like “HEY YOU. YEAH I SEE YOU. YOU STOP RIGHT THERE.” Oh god, don’t think that I think you are a criminal or a potential date. Isn’t it funny how that way you say things can be perceived so differently? Like Hey you can be flirty or mean. I think that’s really interesting. The tone of our voice says so much more than the words we speak. Insane. Blows my mind every time I think about it.

But anyways, we are nowhere. I can’t find a greeting to accommodate everyone. I mean I don’t live to accommodate everyone. I just want everyone to be comfortable. I don’t want to make anyone feel awkward. That’s not nice. I just want to address you all equally and nicely. I mean now I feel like if I just start a post without a greeting, it’s rude. I don’t want to be rude. Like we didn’t go through the proper greeting rituals before diving into conversation. Why do we have greeting rituals anyways? Like we can’t ever just start with the point. We all have to be like “Hey, how are you? Oh yeah me too, I’ve been good.” Why can’t we be like “I heard you were cheating on your boyfriend with the gym teacher. What is up with that nonsense?” That was an example. I don’t know anyone cheating on their boyfriends with their gym teacher. Greetings are so weird. It was imbedded in us from the beginning of time to address each other in certain ways. I wonder what Adam and Eve did when they first met. Did they just stand in front of each other in silence? Did they shake hands? Were they like “Yo, wassup?” What language did they even speak? I mean according to the bible different languages were made because of the tower of Babel. What language did they speak before then? Did everyone speak hebrew? Did Adam and Eve speak hebrew? Was hebrew the first language ever? I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m gonna stop. I forgot what this post was actually supposed to be about. I swear I had a real topic but I kept thinking about greetings. So this is a post about greetings.

And I still don’t have a way of addressing you guys. I’m failing all around.

-Jonny

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