So the Grammys were this weekend. I absolutely love award shows, not because I love seeing extremely rich people getting awards but because it’s a time when something strange or weird is bound to happen. I really don’t care who wins because well they have done a whole lot more than I ever have so each of them deserve something. I also really like live tweeting things. It’s fun. I could talk about how majority of the performances were all about summoning Satan from the pits of Hell or about how Macklemore is all for gay love and how Queen Latifa married a bunch of people all at once and Madonna came out with a pimp stick to congratulate all of them. I could talk about how Lorde is probably the most awkward human being I have ever seen on TV and how much I love it. I could comment on the fact that seeing Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr perform is the closest we’ll ever get to seeing the Beatles perform or about how much I enjoy Willie Nelson’s hair. Also the cutest performance award goes to Sara Bareilles and Carole King. Seriously, it was like skipping on a cloud of daisies and being surrounded by rainbows. As much as I enjoyed Imagine Dragons and Kendrick Lamar perform, it was like they were all backstage and was like “We are going to blind the shit out of the audience.” I also realized that Latino people have their own Grammys and I got supes jelly. All I need in life are gifs of Yoko Ono dancing her heart out. Here is it:
Oh and Taylor Swift proved she was the whitest of the white girls with this:
All she’s missing is starbucks and an iPhone. I also imagine that the people sitting right behind Taylor was piiisssEEED. I mean I could be. “SIT DOWN. THIS AIN’T THE TIME.”
However, as all of these would make wonderful topics of conversations, the only thing that mattered was Beyonce and her flawlessness. Even with her ramen noodle hair, she owned the shit out of that chair and sang beautifully about surfboards while Jay Z rapped his ass off and got a new sippy cup for Blue while other people who never got a Grammy was like “WHY JAY Z WHY?!” Beyonce and Jay-Z are Hollywood’s power couple and Blue is the heir to that throne. No pressure, girl. Anyways, nothing too crazy happened if you don’t count the summoning of Satan’s army by Lorde, Taylor Swift and Katy Perry as crazy, it was like people of the Grammys got together and was like “the theme will be a teenage girl who just hit puberty and is going through that “the color black is how my soul feels” stage in her life, oh also a bit of witchcraft won’t hurt.” However, Miley Cyrus wasn’t there to dance with cats and oversized teddy bear or twerk on Robin Thicke. Justin Bieber was too busy being a douche. I think all that is reserved for the VMAs. Am I right? Yikes.