It’s been a rough day and a half. I lost a dear friend of mine and my heart feels extra heavy.
Sometimes the hardest goodbyes are the ones unheard and unsaid.
I think this just goes to show that we should show love to one another a lot more often. We never know which goodbye will be the last and sometimes “see you later” doesn’t actually happen. We should hold people a little closer and love people a little deeper than usual. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. I’m not the greatest person in the world. I’ve hurt plenty of people but I would like to think that when I love, I love with everything my heart can offer. I want to be someone’s constant reminder that they are loved.
All the good things you have to say about someone, say them. Tell them how beautiful, wonderful and important they are. Don’t hold it in. It could save someone. Little acts of kindness does great things. I hate that I won’t ever get a chance to tell him how much he meant to me so I want to tell other people how much I love them.
Never be afraid to take the risk of opening yourself up to people. Sure, you might get hurt. Sure there’s a chance you’ll get rejected. But how can you live with what ifs? I think I’d rather get hurt trying rather than never knowing. I admire those who are able to show vulnerability because that takes such strength. Anyone willing to lay down their pride and their guard for the things they love and things they are passionate about is definitely something to look up to. The greatest risk I took today was trusting a stranger with my laptop and if you know my life, that’s a big deal. My laptop has everything.
I know I’ve messed up a lot in the past. I know that I can’t do anything to change that. I know that once bridges are burnt, I can’t bring them back. All I can do is apologize for the things I’ve done wrong and wait for forgiveness and while I wait, I must learn to forgive those who hurt me.
I wish there was something I could’ve done for Cody. I wish he was still alive. I wish I could tell him that I love him one more time. I have a lot of unanswered questions and all I have to hold on to is the faith that God will give me all the answers I need. I have to believe that God is up there because I have to believe that Cody is in a better place. I have to believe in Heaven and in the Father. I have to believe that we are living life for a greater power, for a greater reason.
Sometimes God’s “I love you”s are hard to hear but that doesn’t mean he isn’t saying them. In little things, in sunny days, in friendly faces, God whispers I love you all around us. I hope you can listen in a little bit more. I hope you know that you are not alone and that you have not just one but a whole army of people that love and care for you. Every time you smile at someone, it affects someone. We don’t know what battles each other fights but we are fighting one nonetheless. While we fight, it’s good to be reminded that we are fighting for a purpose. You aren’t fighting for nothing. You are fighting for a reason, I don’t know what your reasons might be but never forget them, never let yourself forget how loved and important you are.
I’m sorry that my post is all over the place. That’s kind of where my mind is at right now. I just needed to write out my thoughts because I don’t know why but it was just something I needed to do.
I miss you, Cody.