Movie Review: Maleficent, The Queen Of Fierce and Misunderstood

Recently I watched Maleficent. Now I heard quite a rumbling through the interwebs that this movie wasn’t good. I beg to differ. I actually really liked this movie. Angelina Jolie’s one liners had me laughing so hard that everyone around me in the movie theater hated me. The story itself was adorable. It wasn’t the story of Sleeping Beauty at all which I absolutely enjoyed. I dislike Sleeping Beauty. I always disliked it so the fact that they changed the story made my heart happy. I suppose those who really like the Sleeping Beauty storyline wouldn’t find this movie to their liking but this totally made me like Aurora a whole lot more than I did before. I think the original Sleeping Beauty story is a terrible example of what to be for little girls. I mean seriously, what are you teaching these children? The original movie makes getting a prince as easy as falling asleep and waiting for some random hot guy to come and kiss you awake. Hell to the no. If I was awoken by a random person kissing me, I would file a sexual harassment suit so fast. Like, you don’t know me, we’ve never met before, who do you think you are randomly kissing me? I don’t think so, go home and rethink your life.

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Also Disney is going strong with the whole “you don’t have to rely on a man to be saved.” Ever since Frozen made a huge hit with that concept, they are not going to let that one go for years. They’re coming out with a new live action Cinderella movie, they’ll probably make her realize that she’s an independent woman who has the ability to control the animals around her and she don’t need no prince to help her put on shoes. I dunno. I’m just saying. Also another thing that always bothered me was that everyone’s talking about how Frozen was the first movie with a independent female hero who didn’t need a prince. Um, are we all forgetting about Brave? The entire story was about how she was an independent person and that family was so important. I’m so over this Frozen hype. To be honest, I kind of like Brave more. Here comes the death threats. JUST BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE THE THINGS YOU DO DON’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO THREATEN ME, YOU VILE CREATURES OF THE INTERNET. Why does everyone have to have everyone else thinking the same way they do? Do you realize how terrible the world would be if that happened?

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I always get so distracted from the main topic of the post. ANYWAYS. Maleficent made me realize how great Angelina Jolie was. She also basically ad-libbed her lines because she literally had like no lines. It was hilarious. The story was cute. Angelina was fierce. Aurora looked 11 the entire movie. Dolores Umbridge was in this movie. King Stefan made me question the Scottish. Prince Philip had the eyebrows of a God. Also I’m pretty sure Maleficent and the raven get together so one more for Disney’s bestiality theme. Well actually, Maleficent isn’t even human so never mind. Go see this movie for what it is and not except it to be like Sleeping Beauty because Sleeping Beauty sucks. Lolz. Bye.

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