Jonny In Scotland #2: Traveling on Sheer Panic

This is my second update about Scotland. I’ve been so busy being lame that I forgot to write about my adventures there. Now that I have about 19 days left in this beautiful city, I thought it was appropriate to write a bit of an update.

Well my travels haven’t been really extravagant. I went down to London for a weekend to see one of my dear friends. It was lovely. I really do love London. Wouldn’t really want to live there, it’s far too expensive.

More recently, I went to Amsterdam and wow, I am in love with that city. It’s just a quaint little city that it almost just feel like a town rather than a city. I went with a couple of friends I met in Scotland and it was a lot of fun. Amsterdam makes me want to learn dutch and move there, rent a small studio apartment, get a cute little dog, ride a bicycle, and write novels by the canal. I see why John Green chose that city to write about.

Next weekend, I will be going to Barcelona with one of my friends from my home university and I am so very excited. I’ve been wanting to go to Spain for an extremely long time now and since I am in Europe, I might as well. The sad thing is I haven’t really traveled around Scotland much. I hope to do that soon as well.

However, finals is upon me and I am drowning in essays. I have zero motivation to do anything productive.

Currently me rn:
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Actually more like this:
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Anyways, I am having some harsh mixed feelings about going back home. I mean I am so excited to see everyone again and stuff but I’m not quite ready to leave. I have made Scotland my temporary home but somewhere in my heart, I want to make it my permanent home. I am still so in love with this city, just the same as I first got here. I feel like this was an escape that I want to last forever. I feel like going back home is just returning to reality and having to face responsibilities that I have been putting off for an entire semester. I’m not prepared for it. I graduate next semester and I will have to do adult things and I am far from ready. I am so far from ready, I don’t even know what ready is. I have neglected to come to terms with my responsibilities of growing this far and now I’m going to have to cram that into one semester. I’m in quite a panic.annie_scream

 

 

 

 

 

Actually in a deep, deep, deep panic

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If you asked me how I was currently handling life, I would just send you this.
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I’m not ready to grow up. I’m not ready to face reality quite yet. I have mental breakdowns from three essays I have to write. How the hell am I going to handle a real life job and real life responsibilities like taxes and shit? WHAT? No.

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I always hoped that when the time comes, I would be somewhat ready but the time is fast approaching and I am not. Is this how everyone is dealing with life or is it just me?
I guess I’ll just have to spend next semester trying to get my life together and such. For now, I think I want to enjoy being in Scotland without my responsibilities dangling above me like the sword of Damocles. Life is just moving by so quickly and it’s giving me no time to catch up. There are so many things I want to do and accomplish but it just seems hopeless sometimes. Times like these, I just have to remind myself that I’ll have to take it one step at a time even if I am many steps behind others. It’s my life and I shouldn’t have to live it to the pace of other, right? Please tell me I’m right. I just need to some kind of reassurance you know. I see everyone moving forward in their lives, getting jobs, getting married, being talented, being real people, and I’m over here Netflixing my life away. I guess my life of winging it needs to come to a stop sooner or later. While I am deeply under prepared for everything that will come my way, at least I’ll have Scotland for 19 more days.
I’ll try and make one more post about my Scotland trip nearer to the end. For now, I’m just going to throw my laptop out of my window, crawl into bed, cry for a few hours, attempt to do work, fail, and then cry myself to sleep.

-jl

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